Wednesday, January 05, 2005

I'm a Junkie for Codeine

OK, tell me if you think this is NOT a sweet deal. Codeine in liquid form, plus I HAVE to take it with food. Is there a better vacation? If so, I don’t want to know about it.

I don’t watch Oprah because she frightens me, but I know she’s talked about junkie soccer moms and other “normal” people addicted to pain pills from C-sections and back surgery. I totally understand.

However, I am way too much of a scaredy cat to get beyond the legal stuff and get involved in illegal drugs because:

I don’t want to go to jail (all you have to do is see “American Me” to know you never EVER want to go to prison)

I would rather spend money on clothes

I am forgetful as it is without drugs making me forget important stuff like don’t put the dog in the oven or that we don’t have a fireplace

It would be pretty sucky for my poor husband (although he’s used to a wife who barely cooks or cleans)

It would put me in contact with some unsavory members of society

The shakes are super unattractive – I hear you sweat a lot and throw up, and since I have not thrown up since June 6th 1989, I would like to maintain my record

But sanctioned drugs! Now…that’s different. I can see how people would become fuzzy on the use vs. abuse line. I cannot be critical. But are we allowed to enjoy them?

One of the best vacations I ever had was when I got my wisdom teeth pulled. All I did for 5 days was lay in my bed, take Demerol, watch movies, and eat mashed potatoes. I don’t even remember going to the bathroom. It was pure bliss.

And now, the only thing preventing me from enjoying my Codeine moment is this pesky sore throat. So don’t bother calling… I’ve still got half a bottle, and a whole pantry of soup.


Dalton said...

You should be a writer for seventeen mag or something. I just think your blog is incredibly esciting yet it is mostly normal stuff you make funny. Oddly I hated Mr Seinfeld for doing that but since yours is actually clever I enjoy. Oh, you enjoy those drugs!!! That is why they only offer them when prescribed by the doc, so you can have a blast gobbling them up and then you cant get them anymore once you become addicted! I must admit however that your codeine while exciting cant be anywhere near the thrill and bizzarre hallucinations that resulted from morphine injections I recently enjoyed the highest legal dose, with no shady after effects(although I admit I would sell even my most favorite YSL wovens for another dose...) mmm, I love drugs...enjoy, and just so you know-taking a double dose is rarely lethal and always exciting.

Sarah Marinara said...

I have two words for you: LIQUID VICODIN. Seriously... I didn't drink ANY of it after my surgery because I was scared of the possible additiction so it just sat in my cupboard and stared me down with it's golden liquid beauty. 11 months later... the bottle is almost gone. It got me through some tuff nights. Oh liquid vicodin, how I will miss you.

Kacy said...

Oh Carrie, you so funny.

I'll bet you'd look good with the shakes.

Pregnancy tototally SHATTERED my no-throw record. That sucked so bad.

Carrie Ann said...

Dalton, glad to see you're back! Yes, fortunately, I have never been given anything stronger than Codeine or Demerol, becuase I know I am a junkie at heart and I know that's a road I don't want to go down. I have to use restraint every time I go to my sister's house, because I know she has bottles and bottles of unused good stuff left over from THREE C-sections.

I'm still hoping for some cough drops from your next trip, K.

JP said...

Here's the sad thing: I wish I could "enjoy" those drugs when I needed them. I just end up throwing them all up. Kinda defeats the purpose of it all...

Alice said...

You pill popper… I don’t think you should have the extra’s laying around your house. Mail them to me and I will take care of them appropriately.

Carly said...

You've got the right idea re: vacations. In my opinion, it is not a true vacation if you have to actually leave the house. My best vacation ever was the week I spent recovering from my appendectomy. I have never watched so much TLC's "What Not to Wear" in my whole life--and I probably never will. The dream is over.

Suzie Petunia said...

You got liquid codeine?? While we were living parallel lives (800 miles apart) my doctor gave me huge, round, white, chalky codeine pills for my strep throat. She had offered Vicadin, but I told her that particular drug had made my in-between-awake-and-sleep feel like a bad horror movie (actually, all horror movies are "bad" to me! Still a scaredy cat). So I looked forward all day to taking the codeine right before bed so I could have a nice, deep, warm sleep. I cozied up in front of the tv on my "sick bed" air mattress (Taylor didn't want my germs.)Anyway...I cozied up and took my pill. Nothing. Half an hour later...nothing. I should have accepted the Vicadin.

Suzie Petunia said...

I didn't take any more of the prescription. I think it actually made me wired. Should I overnight it to you, or will Priority mail suffice?

I guess reality tv will have to continue to fill the role for me that alcohol and/or prescription drugs fills for most normal people.