Monday, May 23, 2005

The Awkward Walk

As inspired by Rebecca’s insights on various walks…

I have spent many an hour in dance class. As most young girls, I wanted to be a dancer more than anything. It was my DREAM. A lot of young girls have this dream whether they are talented or merely determined, coordinated or awkward.

I realized rather quickly, and I suspect that dance teachers also know this, that there is a simple way to determine whether or not someone is “awkward.” A means of separating the herd to determine true talent and coordination….

All you have to do is make up a pretense of learning a simple dance routine. You know, like you did when you were little. The routine must incorporate at least 4 counts of walking…yes, I said walking, in the forward direction preferably.

A coordinated person does not think about walking. They will extend a foot and the opposite arm.

For example: if your routine calls for 4 walks forward starting on the right foot then a pas de bouree to the left then to the right…the coordinated person will begin with their right foot and their left arm extended…

The awkward person will inevitably pause for a fraction of a second while they THINK about walking and then will ALWAYS extend a foot and the same arm i.e. right foot AND right arm.

Stand up right now and try walking this way. It’s loads of fun. Start with your right foot and make sure to extend your right arm as well, then move to the left and extend your left arm as well. Walk around the room (or cubical) a couple of times. This is how awkward people feel. Try the awkward run. You won't stop laughing, even if you're by yourself.

As I have shared this knowledge with others, it has become a game to see who can awkward walk, or run, most naturally. I have awkward walked in some pretty swanky places…just to see if I could pull it off.

But the most DELIGHTFUL thing about the awkward walk is teaching it to an awkward person; because the outcome of their awkward confusion about intentional awkward walking is always a non-awkward walk.



P.S. I am constantly bugged to see the awkward walk show up in public and or official places. For instance, the next time you watch The Apprentice, notice the little cartoon "business man" running with the briefcase by the logo. He is totally doing the awkward run. And then they freeze him into the logo to be forever immortalized in his awkwardness...

8 comments:

Kacy said...

That apprentice walk has always seemed off to me. Now I know why.

mo said...

I've always been amazed at your ability to spot the awkward walk a mile away! A gift, if you will....

Marcy Dibbleblotts said...

I just did the awkward walk and run down the office hallway. Good thing I'm the only one who ever comes to work.

Suzie Petunia said...

I just pointed out the awkward running apprentice to Taylor last week!

Other places of interest where I have spotted the awkward walk:

-Last month during the evening gown portion of the Miss America pageant (yes, I TiVo'd the entire thing)one of the lovely contestants did the awkward walk for 3 or 4 paces. She didn't win.

-Next time you watch The Sound of Music pay close attention to Leisel as she marches down the stairs with the other children in the scene where they meet Maria for the first time. When she reaches the bottom of the stairs and turns the corner she awkward marches. I think the awkward march is the most fun of all.

Amy Lynn said...

I just did the awkward walk in the privacy of my computer room and it really does make me laugh every time. Leisel and apprentice...I must not have the gift. I'm dying to go check both of them out and see awkward movement immortalized.

Alice said...

I am very bothered that I read this post after the final episode of the apprentice aired. What IS the walk? I just can't visualize it.

JLS said...

This is 1,000% hilarious. I just tried the walk in the hallway. I can't stop laughing.

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