In case you haven't heard, Martha Stewart is working with NBC on an "Apprentice" franchise. It will be patterned after "The Donald's" show, but it will be to work for her. It sounds dreamy to me, and all the "carrie ann validators" out there have suggested that I go for it. Here's why I'm not...just in case you're interested or hoping that once I become rich and famous I will remember you...:
1. I'm getting self conscious of people knowing that would subject myself to trying out for one reality show let alone two others: Real World (I would have been SO much cooler than that Julie chick who had NO concept of her own religion or how to deal in the real world...) and Wickedly Perfect (ah well, I'm not 100% positive I wouldn't have cracked under all that sleep deprivation...or girly backbiting...)
2. Have you seen the clothes those people wear? Not every one, but most of them dress pretty well. I don't own a suit, and I think that show would require one. It would cost me a pretty penny just to get outfitted for the show. (I spent over $200 just on my interview outfit for WP...'nough said...)
3. As I talked to my dad about this and he asked the obvious question, "Why, exactly, do you want to do this?" all my answers seemed so silly when articulated out loud (and to a man...) that I could barely get them out of my mouth. "Because I believe that women watch these shows to better their lives and the lives of their husbands and kids..." "I want to help women improve their skills at the home arts which have been largely forgotten but seem to be experiecning a renaissance of sorts..." "To share my talents with the world and make a difference..." "To make bucket loads of money..."
4. People aren't nearly as enamored with my talents as I am.
5. I'm too fat for TV. (Let's not argue this point, please. I'm not an idiot. With the poundage the camera would add, I would be SO far into the tabloid-fodder catagory...)
6. I would have to be away from the one stablizing force in my life: Todd. I would HATE to be without him while I was experiencing trauma, drama, and sleep deprivation. Oh wait, that was my JOB for 4+ years...
7. My feelings would be SO hurt if Martha overlooked my vast potential and didn't want to be best friends with me.
8. My pinking shears might slip and "accidentally" cut her bangs.
9. If I got voted off, I would feel so bad for all the people who might have been rooting for me (all 7 or 8 of them...).
10. I honestly didn't have the energy to make another awesome audition video.
So even though there's nothing like being the "first" on a show like this...maybe I can watch all these poor saps work out all the bugs for me so that I can go on next season and rock Martha's world. Wish me luck.