Friday, September 16, 2005

I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends

Not to imitate Kacy’s theme of self-loathing…it must be something in the air….

I thought I would share a triumph followed by a spectacular fall from coolness.

Yesterday, I had on my cool new jeans, the ones worth discussing in a subsequent blog. After a decent day of feeling decent in my jeans, I decided to stop by Kacy and Christian’s house. They were going out to dinner, and graciously asked if I would like to go along. Since dinner out is always better than lonely dark house, I accepted and we had a wonderful time.

Once back at their house, Christian valiantly put the kids to bed while Kacy and I chatted. We were tired and full of Korean food so we slumped down on their comfy overstuffed furniture.

During a particularly interesting and witty antidote I was telling, Kacy began to point and laugh at my crotchal region. (When you’re full with yummy Korean spicy pork lettuce wraps you are exempt from sitting like a lady.) I looked down and saw a single piece of rice clinging to my sexy new jeans.

“Oh,” said I. “I must have dropped some rice.”

“No!” Kacy laughed with increasing intensity. “There’s more!”

I looked a little further, and lo and behold, there was ANOTHER clump of dried rice! Yikes. It was getting embarrassing.

“Oh, I must have dropped more than I thought!” said I good-naturedly.

“No!” cried Kacy once more. “It’s all over!”

Without getting too graphic…I must have dropped a whole SPOONFUL of rice in my lap and proceeded to grind it into my crotch with my every movement. My new jeans! My pride! As I walked like a bow-legged cowboy to her trash can to throw away dried rice I discovered not only more rice…but a new level of humiliation. Luckily, Kacy and I are to the point in our relationship where I can pick rice off my crotchal region in front of her and she can laugh it up with no discomfort on my part, nor malice on hers. But I must say that I felt a strange new sensation much like the need to go home and clean out my fat rolls: negligent and slovenly…even *gasp* sloppy.

So much for the sexy jeans. The effect was ruined. I wanted to run home in shame. But, see, this is where everyone needs a Kacy in their life. Someone to ground you. Some one to help you “keep it real”. Someone to tell you when you have a LOT of rice smashed in to your crotch and then laugh it up uncontrollably. Thanks, dear friend. Thanks a lot.


Anonymous said...

When I was in 5th grade I got a new pair of Britanias. They were cool back then. I was very proud. I wore them for the first time on a Friday. On the bus ride home, right when the bus was stopping to let me and my friend off, my friend (he was feeling ill) puked all over my new jeans. He could have puked in the aisle, but he chose my new trousers; and the red bandana that he was holding in his hand that was previously around his neck (Loverboy had made that cool). I think he then started to cry. Lovely story CAO, I feel your pain.

twalkerr said...

It's really not that uncommon. I find myself constantly pointing out stranger's crotch food to them everywhere I go.

Lisa M. said...


I have experienced MUCH worse, with less closer friends.

That is very funny.

One day, I should blog about my first date with my husband.

Um... *laughing* maybe not!

Kacy said...

There are some people who would have thought the smashed rice made your pants even sexier. I mean, those people are perverts but you should take what you can get.

Carrie is so self-deprecating. She was, as ever, poised and graceful.

Suzie Petunia said...

You are so lucky to have a friend like Kacy... and sexy new jeans...rice and all!

Svenska & Sheaux said...

i thought you would find that you had simply forgotten to take off the tag or the stickers on the jeans or somthin' but this was MUCH better!! how amazing that it had such sticking power as to make the whole trip home...

Anonymously Yours... said...

Nothing like a good friend who "has your back..", or in your case, your "crotchal region!"

melissa c said...

That was too funny! You had me wetting my pants I was laughing so hard! I am new to your site and I love it already!
Last week at a family dinner, my bother in law's pants were unzipped. I just happened to notice, I wasn't checking him out! I leaned over to my husband and told him he aught to let Pat know (quietly) when he got the chance. Immediately my husband says. "hey Pat. XYZ!" Everyone turned and Pat looked at me and asked, "who's looking?" I was mortified! There isn't alot of communication in that family anyway but Bryan luckily just said "me."

Abby said...

I have a friend like that, except instead of pointing out rice-crotch, I was witness to her wetting her pants (on a hotel chair, no less). There's a certain level of friendship that can only be reached through the showing of vulnerability.

Bek said...


I have been thinking about your family...are they having to evacuate. I am watching the news and wondering what they are all going to do.....especially the new babies....

Hope they are ok.

JP said...

Maybe it's good that you didn't see (or hear) me laugh over here..........but that was just too funny.

I do embarassing things to myself all the time. I'm sure there will come a time when rice will find a way to embarrass me too. It's a given.

LaLa said...

One cannot live by "rice" alone...How about a new post?!

jon said...

After we paid for our kids camp game summer we found it tough to recover! I totally agree with you!