I've had enough. I cannot stand Fiona's barking. We've been through two bark collars already and it's time for number three. I realize that she can't help it. She LOVES the sound of her own glorious bark. The more ferocious the better. She bristles, she tears down the stairs (messing up the rug at the bottom of the stairs everytime) and jumps up on the window to make a visual and to make sure the person at the door KNOWS that SHE knows that you're invading HER territory. Stupid dog. It's MY terrritory, and I'm not barking! Cesar the dog whisperer himself couldn't break this tragic display of ferocity.
So I went to PetsMart and looked for bark collars. While standing at the locked electronic training display, I noticed a little girl holding a little Betta fish in a cup. I immediately noticed how quiet her new pet was. I got the new shock collar and walked right over to the fish displays and wieghed my options. I found a cute purple tank with purple rocks and a little green suction-cup plant (all in one package for $8.99!) and chose a red fish so he would stand out against all that purple. My new fish's name is Solomon, because he is "...arrayed like Solomon in all his glory...". And he's quiet. Fiona might be quiet if I put her under water, but I wouldn't bet on it without the bark collar.
Friday, February 08, 2008
Friday, January 18, 2008
Rule of Thumb: January 2008 edition
Rule of Thumb:
If you already did it, you can't do it again. If you haven't done it yet, go for it.
Example 1: If you wore leggings the first time around, you cannot wear leggings now. Let your daughter wear them.
Example 2: If you wore skinny jeans and high heels the first time around, you probably shouldn't wear them now.
Just a rule of thumb.
BUT... my question is:
How do you feel about leggings and tunics for the endowed?
If you already did it, you can't do it again. If you haven't done it yet, go for it.
Example 1: If you wore leggings the first time around, you cannot wear leggings now. Let your daughter wear them.
Example 2: If you wore skinny jeans and high heels the first time around, you probably shouldn't wear them now.
Just a rule of thumb.
BUT... my question is:
How do you feel about leggings and tunics for the endowed?
Monday, December 03, 2007
My Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
This is how pathetic today is...
1. I have the flu and feel SO achey and sore and sore-throaty
2. I am having the menstrual cramps so hard
3. I strained my back while gagging on my toothbrush this morning so my back is spasaming and hurting so that I can't get up
Then, while trying to get the pillow arrangement just right I put one on the floor next to the bed and Fiona came over to lay on it so I had to lean over to get her off and when she got off there was a little black spider on the pillow that had JUST BEEN ON MY BED! That was the last straw. I called Todd. Who knows where the spider landed once I had flicked it off, but having Todd pretend to inspect the area where it may have landed made me feel better.
However, I have a lot more to be grateful for that to be pathetic for. I just wanted to complain a little because it helps when you have the flu.
Self-portrait of today
1. I have the flu and feel SO achey and sore and sore-throaty
2. I am having the menstrual cramps so hard
3. I strained my back while gagging on my toothbrush this morning so my back is spasaming and hurting so that I can't get up
Then, while trying to get the pillow arrangement just right I put one on the floor next to the bed and Fiona came over to lay on it so I had to lean over to get her off and when she got off there was a little black spider on the pillow that had JUST BEEN ON MY BED! That was the last straw. I called Todd. Who knows where the spider landed once I had flicked it off, but having Todd pretend to inspect the area where it may have landed made me feel better.
However, I have a lot more to be grateful for that to be pathetic for. I just wanted to complain a little because it helps when you have the flu.
Self-portrait of today
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Our House, in the Middle of the Street
It's about time I blogged about my house. After living in a basement and then a little brick cottage, Todd and I decided to buy our own little piece of heaven...right here in Provo, thinking we'd be here for 3 years or so...
We found this cute, quasi New England-style house in west Provo. It was brand new (we were so naive). But we have LOVED our neighborhood and our friends here, and the views, and the horses, and ducks, and chickens, and goats, and big grassy yard, and all the different configurations of furniture, etc. We decided to take some nice pictures of the house we love, and I wanted to share it with you!
This is the front room. Our TV is in the corner, you just can't see it (thank goodness). This is where we watch "The Office" and "30 Rock" and on Wednesdays I watch "America's Next Top Model". It should be called the Dining Room, because this is where we eat almost every meal.
This is the sitting room part of the "great room". The red sofa isn't really supposed to be in there, but the room started out one way and ended another, so for the time being, the red sofa lives here.
Here is where the food gets made, and if you are a guest we'll eat at the table unless one of the aforementioned shows is on. The kitchen is very white. And that's the way (uh-huh uh-huh) I like it (uh-huh uh-huh).
This is the mud room/butler's pantry. This used to be all shelves, but I de-junked and now everything fits into the two HUGE closets on the right (which you can't see but they're there!).
This WAS my funky, 60's inspired family room, and we loved having it upstairs. But it was more logical to have this be the bonus room it was always meant to be. So now this is where I sew and think about exercising. I can see the river trail from my huge window.
This is my sanctuary. This is where I sleep and read and blog and e-mail and shop on-line. I love our bedroom.
Maybe later I will add the other bedrooms, but for now this is us. Come and visit!
We found this cute, quasi New England-style house in west Provo. It was brand new (we were so naive). But we have LOVED our neighborhood and our friends here, and the views, and the horses, and ducks, and chickens, and goats, and big grassy yard, and all the different configurations of furniture, etc. We decided to take some nice pictures of the house we love, and I wanted to share it with you!
This is the front room. Our TV is in the corner, you just can't see it (thank goodness). This is where we watch "The Office" and "30 Rock" and on Wednesdays I watch "America's Next Top Model". It should be called the Dining Room, because this is where we eat almost every meal.
This is the sitting room part of the "great room". The red sofa isn't really supposed to be in there, but the room started out one way and ended another, so for the time being, the red sofa lives here.
Here is where the food gets made, and if you are a guest we'll eat at the table unless one of the aforementioned shows is on. The kitchen is very white. And that's the way (uh-huh uh-huh) I like it (uh-huh uh-huh).
This is the mud room/butler's pantry. This used to be all shelves, but I de-junked and now everything fits into the two HUGE closets on the right (which you can't see but they're there!).
This WAS my funky, 60's inspired family room, and we loved having it upstairs. But it was more logical to have this be the bonus room it was always meant to be. So now this is where I sew and think about exercising. I can see the river trail from my huge window.
This is my sanctuary. This is where I sleep and read and blog and e-mail and shop on-line. I love our bedroom.
Maybe later I will add the other bedrooms, but for now this is us. Come and visit!
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Can't a Girl Get a Break: This is Not a Pity Party
I don't often blog about this because it deserves a whole site unto itself due to its graphic and hilarious nature, but this must be said: infertility is getting more and more hilarious all the time.
This last month, I thought I might be pregnant, the old-fashioned way: man & woman, not man & woman & doctor & nurse. But when I actually took the pregnancy test, the line telling me in no uncertain terms that I was NOT with child showed up before I could even get my hand to my sleepy face to look, as if to say "Come on! You're not pregnant! how many time do I have to tell you?!"
I decided that I will make a million dollars coming up with my own designer pregnancy tests. You will be able to buy a sympathetic test according to your needs. If you are a teenager, you should buy the test that, if negative, says, "Man, you sure lucked out, stupid, next time try a condom", and if it's positive, it automatically alerts your mom. If you are trying to get pregnant it's happy with you if you are, and if you're not pregnant it takes a while to show up, like it's really searching to make sure no hormone is there, and then it lets you down easy saying, " You are doing your best. Just because you are barren is not justification for all those guys who broke up with you. Your life has meaning after all. Just look out the window and appreciate the fine day you have without screaming kids, and look forward to your full night of sleep! I looked really hard, and there's just no pregnancy hormones in your urine today...but maybe tomorrow!" That's all I want. I want my pregnancy test to act as if it's making an effort.
This last month, I thought I might be pregnant, the old-fashioned way: man & woman, not man & woman & doctor & nurse. But when I actually took the pregnancy test, the line telling me in no uncertain terms that I was NOT with child showed up before I could even get my hand to my sleepy face to look, as if to say "Come on! You're not pregnant! how many time do I have to tell you?!"
I decided that I will make a million dollars coming up with my own designer pregnancy tests. You will be able to buy a sympathetic test according to your needs. If you are a teenager, you should buy the test that, if negative, says, "Man, you sure lucked out, stupid, next time try a condom", and if it's positive, it automatically alerts your mom. If you are trying to get pregnant it's happy with you if you are, and if you're not pregnant it takes a while to show up, like it's really searching to make sure no hormone is there, and then it lets you down easy saying, " You are doing your best. Just because you are barren is not justification for all those guys who broke up with you. Your life has meaning after all. Just look out the window and appreciate the fine day you have without screaming kids, and look forward to your full night of sleep! I looked really hard, and there's just no pregnancy hormones in your urine today...but maybe tomorrow!" That's all I want. I want my pregnancy test to act as if it's making an effort.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Take Me Out to the State Fair: Observing Humanity in it's Most Raw Form
Todd took me to the Utah State Fair last weekend.
We went on the last night of the fair, so people were out in all their fair splendor. I wish I had been a little more brazen about my photo-documentation. People dress CRAZY to go to the fair. Because we went at dusk, the nice people had left for the evening and the weirdos were out and about. We had not been there five minutes when we saw this:
Santa checking out the gas stoves...no joke. Later that night we saw Santa being followed around by little kids begging for pictures with him. Santa was there for a good time, not for publicity. Ah, the curse of celebrity...
Isn't this classic? Iconic? It was such a lovely night! Who can resist a fair?
By this time, we were scouting out the rides and looking for corndogs and funnel cakes. But we had to meet Tyler & Brittany and Tyanna & Chris. They were at the grandstand watching the tractor pull.
A tractor pull consists of various parts of machinery none of which look like tractors. I couldn't tell if the tractors were supposed to do the pulling or be pulled.
Brittany really wanted to go on some rides, but we decided to go see the animals first. This is really my favorite part of the fair...the animal judging.
This is the pig auction.
This is the pig being bullied and abused by the 4-H-er. She was also bullying and abusing us by telling us to MOVE! (Yes, she was talking to US that way and not the pig...charming.)
This sheep was getting a hair cut...a wool cut. Sheep are really cute from a distance, but up close, they are freaky looking.
After the animal viewing, we located the only ride Brittany wanted to go on. She plans on it all year, and had previously asked me to be her ride partner. I readily agreed. The tickets for the rides were about $.85 per ticket and each ride took 2-5 tickets. Fairs are not for the rich (or the wise). Brittany and I got in line and Todd got a corndog...a huge corndog.
Concealed with in the corndog was a deadly weapon. I'm glad he did not impale himself.
Brittany's ride of choice: THE ZIPPER
You get into a cage and get flipped around while going up and down. I guess the ride DOES look vaguely like a giant zipper.
Here is the nice carnival man who closed us into the death cage.
The cage is VERY small with a VERY tight bar that closes down over your lap. Here we go:
They only load every other car at a time, so we got off to a slow start, but from the second we got into the cage it was non-stop laughter. The anticipation was killing us as the slowly filled the other cages. Some cages stayed empty to what we speculated was vomit damage.
Once we got started it was non-stop laughing and flipping and screaming. The cage flipped over and over and my HUGE necklace kept hitting my teeth. I had to hold onto it with one hand and hold on to dear life with the other.
All those blue sparkling cages was a sight to behold. After an eternity of spinning and flipping and laughing and screaming, they slowed down to let more people off and on. Somehow our cage got forgotten and the ride started up again. For one scary moment we both imagined being forgotten for the rest of the night, and the bile began to rise.
One round was fun and hilarious, but the during the second round the laughter was a little more manic...tinged with slight panic. I had tears streaming from laughing so hard.
Oh the relief of getting off!
We made it!
We all had tickets left over, so we went on a smaller ride called Moby Dick. It was fun, too with lots of laughing and screaming. I was hoarse and beginning to cough up phlegm. I needed a funnel cake.
Weeeeee!
After a couple of $4 corndogs and $5 sodas, we found the funnel cake stand. We consumed our entire daily allotment of calories in one sitting. YUM! Then we watched Tyanna, Chris, Brittany, and Tyler play dodge ball. Way fun.
It was a $40 dollars well spent for some carnal pleasure at the carnival.
Join us next year!
We went on the last night of the fair, so people were out in all their fair splendor. I wish I had been a little more brazen about my photo-documentation. People dress CRAZY to go to the fair. Because we went at dusk, the nice people had left for the evening and the weirdos were out and about. We had not been there five minutes when we saw this:
Santa checking out the gas stoves...no joke. Later that night we saw Santa being followed around by little kids begging for pictures with him. Santa was there for a good time, not for publicity. Ah, the curse of celebrity...
Isn't this classic? Iconic? It was such a lovely night! Who can resist a fair?
By this time, we were scouting out the rides and looking for corndogs and funnel cakes. But we had to meet Tyler & Brittany and Tyanna & Chris. They were at the grandstand watching the tractor pull.
A tractor pull consists of various parts of machinery none of which look like tractors. I couldn't tell if the tractors were supposed to do the pulling or be pulled.
Brittany really wanted to go on some rides, but we decided to go see the animals first. This is really my favorite part of the fair...the animal judging.
This is the pig auction.
This is the pig being bullied and abused by the 4-H-er. She was also bullying and abusing us by telling us to MOVE! (Yes, she was talking to US that way and not the pig...charming.)
This sheep was getting a hair cut...a wool cut. Sheep are really cute from a distance, but up close, they are freaky looking.
After the animal viewing, we located the only ride Brittany wanted to go on. She plans on it all year, and had previously asked me to be her ride partner. I readily agreed. The tickets for the rides were about $.85 per ticket and each ride took 2-5 tickets. Fairs are not for the rich (or the wise). Brittany and I got in line and Todd got a corndog...a huge corndog.
Concealed with in the corndog was a deadly weapon. I'm glad he did not impale himself.
Brittany's ride of choice: THE ZIPPER
You get into a cage and get flipped around while going up and down. I guess the ride DOES look vaguely like a giant zipper.
Here is the nice carnival man who closed us into the death cage.
The cage is VERY small with a VERY tight bar that closes down over your lap. Here we go:
They only load every other car at a time, so we got off to a slow start, but from the second we got into the cage it was non-stop laughter. The anticipation was killing us as the slowly filled the other cages. Some cages stayed empty to what we speculated was vomit damage.
Once we got started it was non-stop laughing and flipping and screaming. The cage flipped over and over and my HUGE necklace kept hitting my teeth. I had to hold onto it with one hand and hold on to dear life with the other.
All those blue sparkling cages was a sight to behold. After an eternity of spinning and flipping and laughing and screaming, they slowed down to let more people off and on. Somehow our cage got forgotten and the ride started up again. For one scary moment we both imagined being forgotten for the rest of the night, and the bile began to rise.
One round was fun and hilarious, but the during the second round the laughter was a little more manic...tinged with slight panic. I had tears streaming from laughing so hard.
Oh the relief of getting off!
We made it!
We all had tickets left over, so we went on a smaller ride called Moby Dick. It was fun, too with lots of laughing and screaming. I was hoarse and beginning to cough up phlegm. I needed a funnel cake.
Weeeeee!
After a couple of $4 corndogs and $5 sodas, we found the funnel cake stand. We consumed our entire daily allotment of calories in one sitting. YUM! Then we watched Tyanna, Chris, Brittany, and Tyler play dodge ball. Way fun.
It was a $40 dollars well spent for some carnal pleasure at the carnival.
Join us next year!
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Two Lady Chickens and One of Questionable Gender
We love our chickens! They have brought us a lot of joy from the get-go. This summer, with the help of Mo and Dad, I built them a house of their own. A coop if you will. we looked at the fancy coops at the seed and feed, but it cost $300! So I took a photo of the professional one and copied it. Guess how much mine cost?...$294.78. So much for self-sufficiency and ingenuity. But here it is:
Since we don't know that much about chickens we don't know what they need. For instance, they have begun to lay eggs (!!!!) but like to hide them in the yard (they LIVE for escape) or under the coop where it is hard for us to get them. I know this is normal chicken behavior, but I think I need to build them a "safe place" for their egg laying. (I actually SAW an egg come out of Pansy, it was awesome. She just laid it and kept on walking. I think she had been holding it for a couple of days.)
Here are the grown chickens:
Rosie, the Rhode Island Red...
Rosie lays brown eggs. Rosie is the most friendly and unafraid. She will always come right up to me and let me touch her and pick her up. She likes people more than Pansy or Basil.
Pansy, an Araucana, yes, she is supposed to have those crazy neck feathers...
Pansy was our first "layer" and lays blue-green eggs...very Martha Stewart... Pansy is the most "worldly" of our chickens. She was the first to become "a woman" and therefore holds a "motherly" role in the flock...
And this is Basil, the other Araucana...
Basil got an herb name rather than a flower name because I was suspect of her/his gender from the beginning. I suspected that she might be a rooster, which she definitely is not, but she has yet to grow a comb (the red wobbly thing) and she doesn't yet lay eggs. She is the most shy and unassuming of the chickens and I love her anyway.
Don't chicken have a "raptor" feel close up? Like you could mistake a really big chicken for a non-flying eagle?
They are sweet birds who love their chicken food and fruit. They hate being penned up in the dog run (now the chicken run) because they are used to roaming free. But Todd and I became increasingly concerned the farther they wondered. When our friends called us one day to say that they found the chickens crossing the road (hilarious...I know) we decided to contain them a little.
But now they have safety, and constant shade, and shelter from sprinklers and rain. If anyone needs fresh eggs...we'll put in an order.
Since we don't know that much about chickens we don't know what they need. For instance, they have begun to lay eggs (!!!!) but like to hide them in the yard (they LIVE for escape) or under the coop where it is hard for us to get them. I know this is normal chicken behavior, but I think I need to build them a "safe place" for their egg laying. (I actually SAW an egg come out of Pansy, it was awesome. She just laid it and kept on walking. I think she had been holding it for a couple of days.)
Here are the grown chickens:
Rosie, the Rhode Island Red...
Rosie lays brown eggs. Rosie is the most friendly and unafraid. She will always come right up to me and let me touch her and pick her up. She likes people more than Pansy or Basil.
Pansy, an Araucana, yes, she is supposed to have those crazy neck feathers...
Pansy was our first "layer" and lays blue-green eggs...very Martha Stewart... Pansy is the most "worldly" of our chickens. She was the first to become "a woman" and therefore holds a "motherly" role in the flock...
And this is Basil, the other Araucana...
Basil got an herb name rather than a flower name because I was suspect of her/his gender from the beginning. I suspected that she might be a rooster, which she definitely is not, but she has yet to grow a comb (the red wobbly thing) and she doesn't yet lay eggs. She is the most shy and unassuming of the chickens and I love her anyway.
Don't chicken have a "raptor" feel close up? Like you could mistake a really big chicken for a non-flying eagle?
They are sweet birds who love their chicken food and fruit. They hate being penned up in the dog run (now the chicken run) because they are used to roaming free. But Todd and I became increasingly concerned the farther they wondered. When our friends called us one day to say that they found the chickens crossing the road (hilarious...I know) we decided to contain them a little.
But now they have safety, and constant shade, and shelter from sprinklers and rain. If anyone needs fresh eggs...we'll put in an order.
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